How To Respond When You’re Pestered About Having Children

Here’s some of the things people say to me, a 28 year old, about the need to have children. And here’s my responses, which you’re welcome to use.

The podcast is 5 minutes. I think it’s better listened to for the full effect. But if you prefer reading, here’s some of my favourite quotes from yours truly.

Look, honestly, chocolate does not have a good track record in our house. So, if we were to have a chocolate baby, I’d have to hide it somewhere in the deep dark corners of the pantry if it had any chances of survival.

Morgan and I were leaving his parents house and his mum says to me, “You should stop taking your pill.” By this, she means the contraceptive pill. Now, silly me didn’t understand what she was getting at. I thought maybe there was something weird going on with my face that was being caused by my pill, and she was kindly letting me know. So I asked, “Why is that?” And she replied, “Because you’re not getting any younger.” Now what’s going through my head is that the poor woman doesn’t know how the pill works and that it isn’t meant to make you younger, as awesome as that would be. But since we were leaving, I didn’t have time to explain it to her. But then she said,, “And I’m not getting and younger either.” And then I was so confused. Has she been stealing my pill and taking it in the hopes that it makes her younger??

And here’s some commonly said things and my responses:

When will we be hearing the pitter patter of little feet?
The answer is never because my feet are massive.

When will you consider having children?
I guess when the condom breaks. 

Kids bring you joy.
And what if they don’t? Can I return them? Or am I stuck with 18 years of hell? Because that’s a fair chunk of my life that I’m not prepared to gamble with.

Why don’t you want to have kids?
Purely so you still have something to ask me about every time we meet.

There’s more of these in the short podcast with more extensive responses. Enjoy!

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