Why Is There Blood In My Underwear?

This poem was is a humorous look at my experience of going through puberty and my journey onwards and upwards from there. This is just based on the experiences of a little Lari growing up. Hope you enjoy!

Why is there blood in my underwear? Red things should not come out of there.
Did I eat too much? Can that make you bleed? Is my stomach broken? It didn’t hurt when I peed. 

I’ll stuff it with toilet paper and pretend it’s not there. The shame of this is just too much to bear. But what if I’m dying? I’ll have to tell someone, I’m really scared, I guess I’ll ask Mum. 

A period you say? How long does it stay? Does it last weeks or days? Will it ever go away?

I’ve never bled for 10 whole years. Is my life over now? This is worse than I feared.
They say I’m a lady, but this isn’t for me. I’m fine how I was without this red sea!

Who understands women? Definitely not mum. After all, it’s been years since she became one.
Is this happening to my friends? No one’s said anything. Oh my gosh, if someone asks, I’ll deny everything.

Mum gave me this gadget that she said was a pad, but it looks like a nappy, which I think is bad. Which way does it go? How do you know? 
And what’s with the wings? I guess it looks like a plane, but how does that help things?

It doesn’t fly when I throw it, but there’s stuff on the back. Hey, it pulls off, how about that? But now it’s all sticky, it’s all mushed together. I guess next time I’ll sort it out better. So, which is the front and which is the back? I don’t see any markings that tell me more about that. 

I’ll just shove it in and see how it goes. I can’t say it feels nice, in fact, it’s pretty damn gross.

How do I walk without it making a sound? What if it gets on my clothes when someone else is around? I’ll keep discreetly checking my bum. And if anyone asks, I’ll say, “Yep, I’ve still gone one.” 

Which brand do I want? There’s so many in store. And I can’t keep sneaking down this aisle anymore. What if someone sees me? Then they’re all gonna know. See, they’re all whispering, “That girl’s got her flow.” 

Okay, these ones will do for me. But how can we pay without them having to see? 

I know there are tampons, but that seems insane. You want me to shove that thing up there? Are you out of your brain? You say I can swim if I’ve got that thing in. Actually, it’s not bad, I do feel more clean.

But when I’m out in public, where are the bins? In the toilets, you say? I’ve never seen them. But it’s true, there’s one in each cubicle too! That’s way better than stuffing it behind the loo. 

So public is fine, there’s the sanitary bins, but what about when I have to sleep over with friends? Do I shove it up my sleeve until I can throw it away? I mean, I could ask them, but what would I say? “This, is my blood.” Nope, not today.  

I got to the toilet without raising suspicion. And now I’m locked in and safe for the minute. 
But I can’t take too long or they’re all gonna know. Okay, this is it, I’m ready to go.
I’ve got the thing hidden inside my left hand. Sneaking to the kitchen bin is my plan. 

Take a deep breath, this could be the end. If anyone sees me, I’m as good as dead. Come on now, girl, keep a calm head! 

Got to the kitchen, but after that dash, I’ve got to make sure it’s buried deep, deeeep in the trash. 

I’m really becoming a toilet stealth pro, palming the tampon so nobody knows. But now there’s this thing called a period cup, apparently you can use it and it doesn’t get stuck.

But have you seen the size of that thing? How the heck do you expect me to get that in?
Fold it you say, and there’s multiple ways? This is like an art class that I’m struggling to pass. I can do the C fold, but it won’t come undone, maybe the punchdown will be the one? They say the seven fold helps with the pop, but when I tried, it was more of a flop. 

Learning the cup thing wasn’t much fun, but now that I’ve got it, it’s easily done. I don’t have to worry about smelly pads, and I don’t have to sneak tampons past my friend’s dads. The cup’s easy to empty and easy to clean, and I don’t have to touch those sanitary bins. Plus, I can do everything with this beauty in. 

Life isn’t so fun when it’s time to bleed, but now I’m equipped with all that I need. I’ll boil my cups and I’m not ashamed to tell anyone when I have stomach pains, because I’m a girl and it’s natural for me. It’s actually a good thing, one day, you’ll see.

‘Cos now that I’m older, I actually panic, if my period’s late, I get a bit frantic. You know it’s a good sign when you start to bleed, it’s the negative prego test that we all need.

So I’m glad for this thing because it means I’ve got options, I can go for all natural or opt for adoption. But the best part about it is the constant security, knowing it’s not time yet to meet mini-me. So I’ll hold my head up and be proud of it, cos a period ain’t gonna stop me one bit. 

– Lari

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